At the age of 35, Dante suffered the mother of all midlife crises. He wasn't the first to wonder where the hell his path had led him. He won't be the last. There should be some kind of peace, some kind of balance in living at the fulcrum of your life; reflecting equally forward and back. Like Dante, for me, there is not.

When I add up all my successes and weigh them against all my failures, it's out of whack. I have loved, lived and given much, but not enough. Transitioning to my next phase, an empty-nester, I hear the call of wanderlust. I've heard her whisper before. Now she's wailing a sublime Siren's song and I am the wind.

I've worked hard, though not hard enough, and I've sacrificed a lot, though I should have done more to get where I am today. Lost. Staying with my sister and her family. No assets. Few possessions. It's an ascetic lifestyle I seem to return to whenever there's a landslide from one season to the next.

About a week ago I saw my path through the forest. I'm finally going to take the trip I should have done right out of high school.


100 Days in Europe

Although I clean windows by day, my passion, as anyone who knows me will say, is the art and life of Vincent van Gogh. For the last four years I have researched, written and lectured about the Dutch master. It's finally time to write that story.

Yesterday I booked my flight from Portland, Oregon to Amsterdam. I fly out June 2 and arrive the next morning at 8:30 am. I had requested a meeting with the honchos at the Van Gogh Museum. One of them replied, "we don't have time for this." We don't have time for this? That stung. Ensuring that bridge was a full-on grease fire, I promptly replied, "I'll be sure to send you a copy of the book. One chapter you may enjoy, 'The Bastards at the Van Gogh Museum.'"

Fuck 'em.

They're not going to stop me from visiting the museum (or maybe they will? what a story that would be!). I'm going directly from the airport to the museum. It turns out Craig's list is in Amsterdam. I found a guy named Frank who refurbishes and sells second hand bicycles. He's always got three or four on hand and they run about 50 euros. So I'm going to meet Frank, buy a bike and cycle through Holland for a week, visiting all the sites so important to Vincent's story and development. The first day is a 91 km trek to Otterlo. I'll finally see in person the painting that inspired the course of my life.

From there, it's on to Nuenen to visit the Van Gogh Village, then Eindhoven to ride the Starry Night bike path. I'll spend nights in Tilburg and Breda, before riding through Etten and Vincent's birth town, Zundert on my way to Antwerp, Belgium. A total of 350 km, I need to start cycling training yesterday.

In Antwerp I'll visit St. James'. There's a stained glass window of a Stella Maris that deeply inspired Vincent. Cycling done for a bit, I'm taking a train to Brussels where I'll meet a friend I made at an academic conference in Osaka, Japan. I am planning a day trip to Mons to see the Borinage; the mining district where Vincent practiced as a lay preacher before making the decision to become an artist.

No trip to Europe would be complete without visiting Paris. So I have seven days booked in a cozy flat. Much of this trip is booked through Airbnb. I've never traveled this way before... but staying with locals for good prices... what could be better? My good friend Rachel will be joining me and I'm sure we'll do many touristy things: Eiffel, Louvre, Versailles, Arc de Triumph, Orsay, Notre Dame, etc. etc.; and some non-touristy things too. We will visit Auvers-sur-Oise for a day. Vincent and his loving brother Theo are buried there, side-by-side.

As Rachel returns to the states, I'm taking the train to Avignon. From there it's time to get on my cycling shoes again, as I ride 20 km to the town of St. Remy. I will visit the asylum where Vincent lived for a year; where he painted Starry Night. I plan to research the library there. I believe there was a copy of Dante's Divine Comedy on hand when Vincent was a patient there. After that it's a few days in Arles. I would like to research the architectural history of what is today called Cafe Van Gogh. I am curious whether there was a window in the spot Vincent painted one, or if he added it for effect.

I will take a day trip Saintes Maries and gaze out at the same spot where Vincent painted Fishing Boats.

There is so much more to add but windows are calling to be cleaned. Briefly, the rest of the trip entails traveling along the French Riviera, staying in Marseilles and Nice; taking the train to Genoa and then to Milan to see Leonardo da Vinci's Last Supper. From there, it's a week in Bologna with another friend I met in Osaka, Saul. We're looking forward to trips to Venice, Ravenna, Sienna, Asisi and of course, Florence, where I expect to be taken with Stendhal's, overwhelmed by the art and ubiquitous presence of Dante.

Saul has to leave July 5 for a conference in Poland. I'm spending two nights on the Cinque Terre, then four nights in Rome. From there, I fly to London and travel to Brighton where I'm delivering the Keynote Address, Vincent van Gogh's Symbolist Art. I'll spend time with family in Manchester and friends in Edinburgh. I've been able to trace my genealogy to my great-great-great-great-grandfather John Baxter. Born in Aberdeen in 1792, I understand their records are excellent and I hope to research as many great-greats as I can find.

I take a flight to Copenhagen and another to Cologne. I'm taking a cruise on the Rhine, past the castles and storybook villages on the way to Mainz and then Rottenburg to visit the Holy Blood Altarpiece. A couple days each in Munich, Salzburg, Vienna and Budapest; I'm flying to Athens to spend a week on the beach, exploring the ruins at my own pace. From there, I'm flying to Barcelona (Sagrada Familia!) and traveling the eastern coast of Spain through Valencia, Alicante and Malaga. Then I'm cutting over to Seville, Lisbon and flying to Porto, Portugal. From there I'm going to visit my third church named after St. James as I walk the camino de Santiago for ten days with the other pilgrims.

I'll be blogging, posting pics and videos all along my way. I hope you follow, and if you're available for any portion of the trip, join me.

Ciao for now,
Jared